Today I choose the path of self-help. Today I choose to live in the present and not suffer from the past nor the future. Today I choose happiness but not to the point of addiction that causes suffering. Today I choose using only natural remedies to help this disaster mental state that I have been in. While I may have ups and downs, I choose to push forward as nothing is permanent including me and my state of mind. I cannot control my surroundings but I can control how I respond to them. The path to discovering myself will be the greatest challenge I will ever face and will continue to face.
“Overcoming yourself is better than overcoming everyone else, because then the victory is yours, and cannot be taken from you by anyone” Buddha
Earlier this year I took my first visit to the doctor. When I walked out, I wasn’t prescribed exercise, nutrition, meditation, or even a shrink. I was prescribed a couple of medications. Typical society. Maybe when I stated “I feel like I understand why people want or do shake babies” was an automatic prescription. I was sick, tired, and even more depressed the first few weeks I started these meds. But eventually there a was a slight relief only to be followed by what I felt as a plateau. The dosage went up only to be followed by the same results. About 2 months ago I was too lazy to get my refill. At the same time I was furloughed. I thought whats the point of refilling when I will be losing my insurance anyway. So that was it. Cold turkey. But now lately I can feel I am not on them. I am so unhappy with many things. I feel stuck in a mental tornado. I am anxious. I have no energy or creativity. While I have been trying to get back into my exercise routine, it only seems to be providing small amounts of temporarily relief. I feel completely out of control due to the lack of control of myself only making the outside world more difficult to deal with and creating more anxiety. I don’t want to be medicated for the rest of my life because I can’t deal. That is not what this life should be.
“If you want to achieve great things and change the world, you must always be striving to master yourself” Buddha
Monday evening after I taught a hot yoga class, I participated in a yin yoga class. It was perfect relaxation. I thought this is what I need. I then participated in a yoga class in Ohiopyle yesterday and it was the most imperfect perfect class. So many postures that were once easy became a great challenge last night. I felt a sense of frustration. My own self practice has diminished because of working and teaching others. But I chose to let go. I modified. I breathed. I woke up this morning and chose to listen to a guided meditation on Spotify. I felt so much gratitude. While listening to some Indian healing music, I participated in my own physical yoga practice on the porch. As I laid in savasana, I felt such bliss. I decided that this is what I will participate in. I will be my own doctor. I will prescribe myself my own medications. I will dictate how I will live. My practice this morning has been one of the biggest reliefs I have felt in a long time.
“To meditate means to go home to yourself. Then you know how to take care of the things that are happening inside you, and you know how to take care of the things that happen around you” Thich Nhat Hanh
They say it takes 21 days to create a habit. So for 21 days I will develop a daily practice of things to manage myself. I will participate in meditation, a physical yoga practice, exercise, nutrition, essential oils, and anything I find to benefit me along the way. I have put so much energy into other people and my jobs, that I will now put that energy into myself. Only then can I truly help others.
“Help yourself, no one else can help you. You are your own savior.” Buddha